Oh, Twitter.
Frederick Douglass High School
By now, you all know the Amber Cole story:
For the record, this article, entitled, “The Miseducation of Amber Cole” by Sinnamon Love (who also happens to be a porn star and a parent—yes, you read that right) is the BEST one I have read, hands down, of all that I have read. Print it out and share it with your family members—please! I wish I had read it first; but I actually read it last—and now I’m putting it first. You understand…
I was first alerted that a great essay by Jeff Fecke entitled, “No, You Aren’t Amber Cole’s Father” was posted in response to yet another wayward, misogynistic article by Jimi Izrael. Reading that piece led me to another, discussing how angry “Amber Cole’s” father is and the justice he is pursuing. The comments section to THAT article left me so angry and frustrated, that I wrote a response to it and let my Twitter timeline know about it.
A chirpstory captures everything but when I’m in “real time,” I am not aware of what is happening, so I only learned, while doing the chirpstory, that Christelyn Karazin, of the “No Wedding, No Womb” Campaign (See: “Sloganeering and Slacktivism” and “The Personal is Political”) had written an article. Mind you, I was already feeling bad because I hoped I hadn’t let @Dawnavette down last week when she wanted to start a petition getting Twitter to stop the video from being posted. I shared with her that Twitter could probably help stop the trending topic but I wasn’t sure how Twitter could stop the link from being tweeted, repeatedly, as the addresses change with almost every new tweet and/or the shrinking of the URL. I thought about Amber but I was also in one of the busiest weeks of my life while visiting and doing business in NYC.
Out of the blue (and making history for me), a 15 year old girl (with a rather disappointing Twitter handle) began to tweet me about Amber and we had a discussion. It then led to an article I retweeted by @TracyReneeJones (whom I respect and admire) and, later, when I actually read the article, saw the site upon which it was posted “BeyondBlackWhite” (a site promoting interracial marriage, filled with a lot of self-hating Black women, in particular—and not, necessarily, because of their choice to date, interracially), the comment section was filled with how Black men are “animals,” how all Black women must move away from the Black community, how Black men are essentially worthless, etc., so I expressed my disappointment to Tracy about having her wonderful work posted on a site that is “a cauldron of self-hate.”
Enter Christelyn Karazin and, well, you’ll see…
“the comment section was filled with how Black men are ‘animals,’ how all Black women must move away from the Black community, how Black men are essentially worthless, etc., so I expressed my disappointment to Tracy about having her wonderful work posted on a site that is ‘a cauldron of self-hate.’”
This is what I was conversing with one of the NWNW supporters about. Christelyn can’t be honest about her intentions with the movement if this is how she and most of her supporters feel about Black men, Black women and our communities in general. She told me, “You do have a point there, but…” I doubt she’ll be a supporter next year because she agreed with me at the end of the night. This is the last year I give that “movement” any attention on Twitter. Whatever it’s about, it’s not the welfare of the African-American community like it advertises.
That’s impossible. Christelyn hasn’t really done anything to establish herself as someone who genuinely cares about the African-American community. I’d love to see examples of it, myself, if there is any. I suppose that’s what supporters like “Black and Married with Kids” are intended for.
She doesn’t have to care about the African-American community, when she can get others who do care… to write for her.
As for yourself, Dr. Goddess. You’re phenomenal. If anyone from that group decides to take you on, please, PLEASE don’t hesitate to let me know. I love opportunities to show people like these why their wrong, how their wrong, and that they’re in over their heads when they mess with me and the people I care about. It’s fun.
Stay beautiful, doc.
Thank you, Brotherman. I really appreciate it and, of course, you know I agree with you. I think much of what Christelyn has been doing is shameful and if she’s really about it, then SHOW IT. I am not blocking her way. I am an individual citizen who expresses her opinion on her own blog and Twitter account. And I am who she chooses to focus her energy upon? What about all of those unmarried wombs? Get to it, Christelyn!
As for the attacks, the latest is from a white man named Jay (who declared he was white in the first couple o sentences), who apparently wrote to me here: http://drgoddess.com/nwnw
Please do go have fun with him! LOL!!!
Really, his ideas are appalling but this is what you get, fooling around with Christelyn’s crew.
“Christelyn hasn’t really done anything to establish herself as someone who genuinely cares about the African-American community.”
Apparently the 200,000+ folks who consistently visit her blog monthly seem to think differently. I am one of those fans, and if you were to take the time to read through the blogs, I think that it would become obvious that her passion for helping black women cultivate more fulfilling (love) lives is real. The way I see it: primarily it’s black women who are the backbone of the black so-called “community,” so BBW’s modus operandi is to teach bw to go beyond operating in the crisis-mode that they’ve been brainwashed in. Instead of black women putting gas masks on the black men first while the women suffocate…jump out of the crashing plane altogether! And a crashing plane is a metaphor for a mentality that goes against your best interest, like investing all your time, energy, resources into any person, group or culture that drains you rather than sustains you.
Both you and Christelyn seem to agree that the fracturing of the black “community” is at crisis levels. The numbers don’t lie. A 70+ percent out-of-wedlock rate is tragic, and that statement is not coming from a place of “shaming” the women who comprise that 70+ percent. The question that I’ve never seen you ask is: where the HECK are those fathers?! Once you account for the folks who are in stable common-law marriages, same-sex couples with kids, wealthy women who chose single motherhood and have plenty of help (i.e. Badu and Nia Long), or dudes in jail
(which, hmmm, I don’t even want to put “dudes in jail” in the same category with the other exemptions from the 70+% OOW narrative, since it implicitly absolves those prisoners of any accountability to their fatherhood, since political prisoners (or black men railroaded into ridiculously long sentences for innocuous offenses) are largely the exception, while black men going to jail for DOING BLATANTLY DUMB, IRRESPONSIBLE, HORRIFIC S**T are the rule),
you’re STILL left with an overwhelming majority of situations where the dude freely CHOSE to just up and leave. I know of THREE women in the past year who went through that, all educated career women of color (two black, one Latina). One guy is chillin’ in Jersey. One guy fled to Jamaica. One guy decided he didn’t want to do the “family life” thing and just up and bounced and he’s in Brooklyn working as a graphic designer. He’s not in jail. He’s educated. He’s one of those that many would probably assume is “one of the good ones.” What is in the water that has black men engaging in this psychopathic behavior in such great numbers? And as much as I love those 3 women, I’ve felt compelled to distance myself because I know how true it is that line about birds of a feather and whatnot. Heck, that’s basic law of attraction, and I don’t want that drama’n'trauma ever spilling into my sphere. Where is your outrage for the appalling behavior of those men? No white man put a gun to their heads to make them do THAT. Being a presence in your own child’s life, generally speaking, is COMPLETELY within one’s locus of control if you make it a top priority. How is it that you are more upset about a BLOG than you are about THAT?
It so happens that both of your solution strategies are different, and BOTH have valid points. One does not negate the other. Yes, systemic oppression (your apparent focus) in every realm – education, healthcare, prison industry, employment etc. – needs to be eradicated, but what ALSO must happen (and IS happening) is black women must continue to shake off the mass indoctrination of muledom and embrace joy, abundance, loving partnership and the beauty of our feminine power as our birthright (Christelyn’s focus). More bw are waking up and realizing that they have better things to do than carry the entire weight of the “black” community on their shoulders. Systemic change tends to go at a glacial pace, while the latter tactic of living your best life is in the more immediate locus of control, so I agree with her choice to focus on the empowerment of black women and putting ourselves first in our daily lives with every choice we make.
Also, given that it’s black men who are the most DIRECTLY affected by systemic oppression – meaning, they are the ones actually GOING to jail, or being discriminated against for jobs, or placed in special ed as boys, while the women are “indirectly” affected in the sense that they are the ones left struggling to make 2 hour trips to visit them in prison, or paying all her AND his bills while he remains unemployed/unemployable, or stressed out from raising hyperactive boys without adequate parenting tools OR a partner to lean on….why are the majority of the black folks fighting on these fronts – WOMEN? Where are the men? And where is your outrage at their absence?
And for the tweet where someone said sarcastically that NWNW is encouraging her to “use her womb as a bargaining chip,” um, that’s pretty much the way it’s been done for thousands of years, and for the most part, it has worked – be it in the context of nuclear families, extended families, polygamous families, etc. The common denominator is that women historically strove to have children ONLY within a strong partnership/community, because it DOESN’T MAKE SENSE to have children without the foundation of a strong partnership or extended community….helLO?! To do otherwise is like trying to start a viable business with only $5 of start-up capital. Yeah, it CAN be done, but it’s FAAAAAAR from ideal. And when 70+ percent of AA women are doing the equivalent of trying to start businesses with only a foundation of $5, you’re going to have a community of businesses (i.e. children) run by highly stressed out women with non-existent or inadequate support systems, tiring themselves out by constantly treading water and never actually swimming anywhere, while their “businesses” remain stunted, producing very little and operating at FAAAAAAR below their potential, to the point where a sizable chunk of them actually become liabilities (Dunbar Village, hello).
Another thing about the “bargaining chip” comment: African-American women seem to be the only ones who aren’t getting that memo (or they once had that memo, but lost it) that marriage IS a transaction. It’s the merging of your spiritual, physical, emotional and financial assets to build a loving, stable, healthy foundation to raise your children and leave powerful legacies. Continental Africans and Caribbeans got that memo, for the most part. AA women, not so much. And when an AA woman sticks her neck out to address this urgent issue, you try to chop it down (which is really chopping your own nose to spite your face).
Lastly, if the majority of the guys stewarding black communities were upstanding black men like your Twitter fan’s “Daddy, brother and uncle,” then there wouldn’t BE a crisis in the first place. Point blank: the men you claim to care about are woefully underperforming, so take THOSE men to task, rather than attempting to disempower another woman.
Oops. I should have replied to you here but I made an error and my reply is below.
Thanks again.
Greetings Brooklynista / Soul_Incite,
Thanks for your comments. I may have to take them in chunks, as I’m focusing on other things (Penn State, Herman) at the moment. Please know I have no need to delete comments that are not vulgar and abusive, so your thoughts are welcome here. The quote you began your comments with actually came from K.Michel (a brother I greatly appreciate and whose comments were not solicited by me). But it begs the question:
In all seriousness, what has Christelyn done in the last two years of NWNW that is not media-related? I am quite curious.
As for the numbers, they DO lie. I can’t tell you how many times so many of us have had to correct that ridiculous 72% number. It simply is not accurate and not reflective of the ways in which many Black women and men shape community and our relationships. It doesn’t account for people who are responsible parents but are simply not married to the other parent, for a variety of reasons. Many have not left and Erykah Badu and Nia Long are the perfect example of Black, single, women who have responsible parents for their children, INCLUDING the fathers in the children’s lives. I’m not an advocate for getting or staying married solely to appease society or for “the children” because it’s the women who tend to suffer in those situations and having a “miserable Mommy” is not a good look.
I believe in addressing both systemic and personal solutions but I am 100% against contextualizing the liberation of the Black woman and/or the Black family within the rhetoric or “movement” of denigrating and/or dehumanizing Black men (all of them) and romanticizing White men while encouraging Black women to marry them. I find the solution ridiculous and racist and I can’t believe you, Christelyn, or anyone would defend this nonsense.
I support sites like BlackandMarried.com, btw, if that helps. And, yes, I know they have supported NWNW but perhaps you all should reflect upon why I would support them but I find NWNW so troubling, not to mention Christelyn’s poor (and rude) leadership. I have laid out my story and interaction with Christelyn. I didn’t make it up and it’s not my fault she chose to interact with people in the manner she has, then accusing me of being a bully. It’s ridiculous. I find her “Movement” to be reflective of the Religious Right and of Conservatives who have not a clue about the Black community and who use issues-campaigns to divide the Black community, dilute our political power and, therefore, our effectiveness in changing our lives.
As for absent and underperforming men, I address this and my rage is evident. The difference is, I am an organizer and a BUILDER, so I support, encourage and highlight the men who are doing GREAT things all the time, who are right there with their families, being wonderful fathers, etc. This doesn’t fit into the NWNW Black male-bashing requirement, so I guess you all just don’t see it.
To be clear: I am not against interracial relationships but I am against ideas which encourage the destruction of the Black community, which denigrate and dehumanize Black men (and women—have you seen the ignorance some of the NWNW folks write about single, Black women???) and I am against fake “movements” that seek to do issues-campaign related damage.
I hope I’ve been clear and thank you for your time.
Dr. Goddess, Christelyn has a point – one that you are yet to address.
The fact is these fathers that have walked out on their children – willfully – are not about to repent and come back.
And black men have voted with their feet. Most will move out of the black community as soon as they can and marry a non black woman. Asap.
Black women are the only ones holding on to ‘black love.’
Fact is, black love exists only in bw’s heads.
Wake the hell up and smell the coffee!
You know, Joyce, all I can say is I’m sorry for your hurt. For whomever left and whatnot. It’s so sad that you think that MOST Black men move away from the community and that MOST Black men leave their kids. I don’t even know what else to say to that except to let you know it’s simply untrue.
Also, some men do come back and repent and become wonderful fathers to their children. Other men, who grew up without fathers, do not want to replicate their fathers’ actions, so they make sure they remain present as fathers to their children, whether or not they marry the child’s mother and, of course, many do marry the child’s mother or get married first. There’s a tremendous variation.
For the record, I support sites and persons such as: http://coparenting101.com
Thank You.
And yes, I hated the article by some misogynistic black man claiming to be Amber Cole’s Father.
He says he is her father and then admits to having watched the entire video.
I am not even related to Amber – never heard of her – but I don’t have the stomach to watch it. So for someone to write an article as a father and then admit to having watched child porn is ludicrous.
Secondly he doesn’t just admit he watched the video, but goes ahead to comment on her technique. Really? As Amber Cole’s Father?
As if that was not enough he identifies with the boys in the video – you know the ‘innocent ones’ who only watched and recorded the video and then uploaded it on the internet.
What an idiot!
I hated Jimi Izrael’s wantonly wayward, projection-filled, nonsense letter as “Amber Cole’s father” a well and many of us expressed our dismay and disgust at the resident Black male, misogynist writer online. But that’s just it, Joyce. What you and too many in NWNW do is see someone as simple as Jimi (who, in all fairness, takes care of his daughter—imagine that) and you judge ALL Black men (not all men, just the Black ones) using the same, broad brush.
Black men seem to be your Kryptonite and it’s just really sad, when you could have availed yourself of Mark Anthony Neal’s wonderful post entitled, “Amber Cole Is My Daughter”: http://newblackman.blogspot.com/2011/10/amber-cole-is-my-daughter.html
Therein lies the difference between where my values lie and what you choose to focus upon.
I hope I’ve made myself clear.
Either way, thank you for writing.
Confirmation bias, from Wikipedia
Confirmation bias (also called confirmatory bias or myside bias) is a tendency for people to favor information that confirms their preconceptions or hypotheses regardless of whether the information is true. As a result, people gather evidence and recall information from memory selectively, and interpret it in a biased way.
The Internet can create an echo chamber effect, but as soon as we realize this, we should do our best to seek out information that goes against ours, just so that we don’t end up massaging our own false ideology. It is quite clear that the BB&W crew have failed to seek any information that could falsify their premise. As a result, they are now living in a place that is clearly not based in reality. It’s going to be sad when this “movement” collapses.
“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
Every now and again, the “movement” gets a new post or a nice, new song (and I’m a fan of Arrested Development but it sickens me that they would be swindled by Christelyn’s shenanigans but oh well…) but beyond that? Nada.
It’s sad… and shameful.
Your analysis is spot-on. They hate you, btw. I’ve been reading the responses on their site. It’s kind of funny. Kind of…
I’m also curious as to what Christelyn is doing to really help curb the out of wedlock rate that goes beyond social media and just raising awareness? Does she go into the BC and give lectures or something? Is she talking to leaders who are concerned about this as well?
Girl, we’re all curious and when we asked on Twitter in 2010, we were blocked, called names and treated in the most rude manner possible. Many people witnessed their poor “leadership” and began to strike back, make jokes and clown NWNW. For that, Christelyn seems to blame me but you reap what you sow and most folks saw through the shenanigans. The whole thing is just sad… but I hope you get your question answered. Don’t hold your breath, though. Keep on livin’ your life like it’s golden! LOL!
Marriage protects women and children. It’s as true in Europe as it is in America as it is Africa. The African immigrants I’ve met, worked with, or attend church with are either single and childless or married to the mothers of their children. I don’t know where this “It’s the African way to have a household of a never-married grandmother, some never married daughters, various children born out of wedlock, and some random male relative sleeping on the couch until he gets his life together” comes from.
marriage will not solve anything. if anything it can make it worse since domestic abuse is one of the major issues facing men and women alike. women abuse their spouse about the same rate as men these days. secondly, if a man and a woman met at a party/park, had sex and got pregnant advocating that they get married is a knee jerk reaction that can prove fatal since the two people hardly knew each other, well enough to be living together. thirdly, marrying someone doesn’t guarantee you a financial security – you’re not a prostitute afterall and both the man and woman must contribute to the house hold. if you can’t make it on your own and the man/woman doesn’t bring enough to cover the shortfall, you’re back in the same spot you started, in addition to the screaming matches and fights. having a child out of wedlock isn’t the end all be all. men and women must strive to be self sufficient and they must create the foundation necessary to raise a child with or without a partner and that beings with access to education and better opportunities in life and career.
according to this article, in iceland 66 percent of children are born to unmarried mothers. in sweden out of wedlock birth account for 55 percent.
this proves that there’s more to the issue than marriage. in those countries, they have safety net that softens the blow. plus, education in those countries are better and accessible than US.